Firemen in the Tweet-o-sphere: Idle Feet Special

What have your Firemen been up to during the past week and a half?

Well, aside from licking their wounds after their worst loss of the 2012 MLS campaign, and subsequently nursing their hangovers after last week’s CFSC FoundationWhite Party, we’re not really sure. After all (tempting as the proposition may be), we here at On the Fire refuse to compromise our journalistic integrity and go beyond the Tweet-o-sphere to stalk our Men in Red.  But lucky for you dear reader we know what their thumbs have been up to, so let’s roll out another edition of the Tweet-o-sphere shall we? After all, it is a fan favorite, the online sensation sweeping the Chicago Fire nation…!

P.S.: read to the end to unlock this week’s bonus feature…

[Cue the new theme music]

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#3 Dan Gargan, as fans of this series know, is indeed a Renaissance man. In the span of a mere ten days, Dan completed a painting, danced the night away like Mick Jagger and Usher’s baby, and took in a Virginia/Georgetown match. Yes I know, we all wish to live our lives vicariously through the Gargan. Don’t fight the urge people.

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#25 Sean Johnson gets his dome faded by Chicago’s Urbane Blades. Seriously, I should get something out of this free promo. I could use a fresh cut. Anyway, Chitown’s favorite keeper signed some gloves for a lucky recipient at the DC match and then, not surprisingly, disappeared after he let four balls hit the back of his net at RFK. But fear not Fire fans, SeanJ resurfaced a few days later on a seaplane!

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#7 Sherjill MacDonald continued his fine tradition of re-tweeting yours truly after his passion on the pitch continued to bring honor to CFSC against the Revs. [Ruben Tisch – did you like that?] Mackie is fast becoming a fan favorite, as his twitter finger is quick on the draw. Unfortunately however, Sir Mac appears to be a Man U fan. Nevertheless, On The Fire will not let this serious error of judgment effect how we feel about our beloved Dutchman – as long as he dominates up top. And anyway, how could you not like a guy who quotes Dune before every match? Finally, #7 spent last weekend rooting for his old club Beerschot AC, strolling Lincoln Park Zoo with his chick, and training with Fire strength and conditioning coach Tony Jouaux!

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#4 Alvaro Fernandez loves the cinema on rainy nights, barbeque with his amigos, and watching his boy Luis Suarez play for Liverpool.

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#20 Tony Walls could have his own version of this series. I don’t even know where to begin with this kid. There’s just so much material to choose from. You know what Tony? I’ll make you a deal. If you see the pitch this season, I’ll prepare a special edition of “Firemen in the Tweet-o-sphere” dedicated just to you and your bounty of tweets. Alright, bet.

1) TWalls is not a Man U fan [big points], 2) is uncertain about this new phenomenon where kids playing in the Little League World Series dance all over the diamond, 3) believes in UFOs, and 4) thinks that Lil’ Wayne is the greatest rapper of all time. Check one, check two, fail on three and four. No comment on three. It speaks for itself. Now, as far as number four goes don’t get me wrong, I like Weezey just as much as the next guy. But the greatest of all time? This kid needs a hip-hop history lesson. Call me TWalls, I’ll enlighten you. And for good measure I’ll mention that he thinks Kobe Bryant’s birthday should be a national holiday. Ay Dios mio.

While the rest of the Fire were getting ready for the New England match, reserve man TWalls hit the road to take in a women’s soccer match at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. Tony is a native cheesehead and has some peeps up there on campus. Bet that was a good time, eh bro? And speaking of Wisconsin, the former UW Green Bay man got himself a nice little write-up from his alma mater the other day.

And finally, our young defender felt a bit insecure about being propositioned by a man in a train station. Get used to it kid. It’s hard work being so handsome. Trust me, I know.

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#70 Paolo Tornaghi tweeted a plea for “someone” to ask the pilots practicing for the Chicago Air and Water Show to “decrease a little the volume of their engines.” While this may seem on its face to be a ridiculous request, I understand that the Fire’s Italian may yearn for the days of yore when his countryman, fascist flying ace Italo Balbo, led a squadron of sea planes to Chicago’s 1933 World’s Fair. And yes Chicagoans, Balbo Ave. is indeed named after the one-time heir apparent to Il Duce. Was Sean Johnson on one of those sea planes with Doctor Who?

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#8 Dominic Oduro, like many of us, was excited about the start of the English Premier league season. The Dommer tweeted back and forth with some fans about Manchester United, which appears to be his squad of choice [cue sound effect of me puking all over the keyboard]. Oduro has ceased tweeting Bible verses for the time being, as it appears he’s settled in quite nicely on the bench.

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#16 Marco Pappa hit the pool the day after playing 15 minutes in Chicago’s 2-1 win at home over the Revs. Sources report Pappa remained there through last Wednesday night.

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#11 Daniel Paladini also complained about the air show noise. But man did he have a good week, going from zero to hero in the blink of an eye. After graciously fielding many of his fans’ congratulatory tweets following his start vs. the Revs, Daniel went to Pinkberry and complained about outbound traffic on 90/94. After arriving in DC, #11 watched Hard Knocks Miami and took a stroll to the White House before the match vs. United. The next day, after notching his first goal of the season, Daniel rocked the Fire White Party with MLS Insider.

Paladini refuses to follow Tony Walls because On The Fire‘s favorite serial tweeter clogs up his feed. We empathize with Daniel, but cannot afford to ignore what is a gold mine of material from everybody’s favorite reserve defender. To top off his weekend, the newest member of Chicago’s starting XI played a little virtual footy with fans at Oak Brook Mall. Way to work it kid.

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#99 Hunter Jumper is a native Texan. Like most of his kind, he believes that Texas is the greatest of all fifty states in the ‘ol US of A. Having lived in Austin for a year, I understand this point of view. I still yearn to be back there sometimes, especially in February. Nevertheless, all bets are off once one ventures outside of the capital’s friendly confines. Jumper however is from Plano, a giant suburb of Dallas populated by rich white people.

I hate to stereotype him (actually, I don’t), but a young man from Plano named Hunter must have spent plenty of time getting carted around from match to match in the backseat of mommy’s Land Rover. And that’s fine I guess. But Hunter lives in Chitown now, so he’s got to be a big boy and learn to deal with things like parking tickets. Sorry kid, but if you want to feel at home and have plenty of parking spaces to choose from, go play for FC Dallas. Until then, stop your whinin’ and shell out for a cab. Now that said, it appears that Hunter may be a Barca fan, so this alone makes up for the fact that he very well may be a spoiled rich kid.

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Congratulations dear reader! You’ve unlocked the special bonus feature! Your love of fluff has no limit! So please join me and give a lukewarm welcome to Firemen in the Tweet-o-sphere’s special guest star, D.C. United goalkeeper “Young” Bill Hamid [Cue the boos, hisses, and profanity].

D.C. United Goalkeeper Bill Hamid took lessons in international diplomacy from yours truly the night before his trip to Montreal. Bill had a change of heart about learning a little Français after I tweeted United’s PR people and told them they needed to get a handle on young Billy after he disdainfully tweeted his assumption that the fine folks in Montreal wouldn’t be able to speak English. Only minutes after he insulted millions of Quebecers, Hamid changed his tune. He then replied to my tweet, which implicitly acknowledged his gaffe. But despite young Billy’s atonement, the great 20th century English philosopher John Lennon said it best: “Instant karma’s gonna get you.” Sure enough, Montreal put three in Hamid’s net the following afternoon. DC lost 3-0. Bad Mojo Billy. Bad Mojo.

Ah, the ugly American syndrome strikes again. Attention Bill Hamid: Canada is officially a bilingual nation. What scares me is this kid could one day be the USMNT keeper. Attention US Soccer: take Hamid’s twitter machine away from him immediately before, during, and after international road trips. You’re welcome.

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With the third edition now in the bag, On The Fire HQ has decided to continue to capitalize on the growing popularity of its “Firemen in the Tweet-o-sphere” series.  The boardroom knows that the best way to do this is to once again get our loyal readers involved!

We think that this special guest star bit has legs. Who would you like to see in the guest star spot for the next (4th) edition of “Firemen in the Tweet-o-sphere”? There are no limits! But be advised that you’ll ask us to most likely take the piss out of someone, so please use discretion. On second thought, nah. It’s open season! Choose anyone you want!

So, if you want to choose the next guest star, be the first person to tweet a link to this third edition of “Firemen in the Tweet-o-sphere” to your beloved followers. On The Fire will subsequently contact (and congratulate?) you and ask for your selection, which you’ll make within 24 hours. If you don’t get back to us in one day, we’ll go to the fan with the second fastest twitterfinger.

So what are you waiting for? Spread this fine piece of investigative journalism far and wide!

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Player photo sources: chicago-fire.com

Other link sources: wherever the hell the URL says they’re from

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